"Just Forget About It"

I didn't tell mom about the things that drunk man said on the bus today. I didn't tell her that he said he hated our race and that we were all stupid wetbacks. I didn't tell her that he used the fact that he was drunk to make what he said "okay".

I didn't tell her for two reasons. One, I didn't want to talk about it because I'm still upset. And two, because she'd probably tell me to just ignore those people or that's the way the world works or to just let it go, which is pretty much what everyone else would say anyway. And you know what, I KNOW that's how things go. I know those kinds of people are dumb and don't deserve my time and I know that I shouldn't dwell on it, yeah yeah. But that doesn't fucking make it better. That doesn't make what he said go away, it doesn't make the hate just disappear. Goddamnit, I wasn't even paying ATTENTION to the damn man until he started calling me names. What the fuck did I do to him? I didn't even DO anything. How can you say such things about people when you don't even know who the fuck they are? Because my eyes and skin are brown and my hair is black, suddenly I'm stupid? An idiot?

I CAN'T just "let it go" or just forget that it ever happened. Because you know what? It HURTS. Even though the things he said weren't true, that doesn't mean they don't hurt. That the hate behind them didn't hurt. And you know what, if you can take someone talking to you like that and just shake it off, fucking good for you. You are one blessed motherfucker because you don't have to feel like this.

I am still upset. Hopefully I will feel better tomorrow but I am still just... I don't even know. I don't even know anymore. I'm crying even though I shouldn't be but I can't help it and damn it I wish I hadn't caught that bus. Then I wouldn't have been there and I wouldn't feel like crap now.