"Just Forget About It"

I didn't tell mom about the things that drunk man said on the bus today. I didn't tell her that he said he hated our race and that we were all stupid wetbacks. I didn't tell her that he used the fact that he was drunk to make what he said "okay".

I didn't tell her for two reasons. One, I didn't want to talk about it because I'm still upset. And two, because she'd probably tell me to just ignore those people or that's the way the world works or to just let it go, which is pretty much what everyone else would say anyway. And you know what, I KNOW that's how things go. I know those kinds of people are dumb and don't deserve my time and I know that I shouldn't dwell on it, yeah yeah. But that doesn't fucking make it better. That doesn't make what he said go away, it doesn't make the hate just disappear. Goddamnit, I wasn't even paying ATTENTION to the damn man until he started calling me names. What the fuck did I do to him? I didn't even DO anything. How can you say such things about people when you don't even know who the fuck they are? Because my eyes and skin are brown and my hair is black, suddenly I'm stupid? An idiot?

I CAN'T just "let it go" or just forget that it ever happened. Because you know what? It HURTS. Even though the things he said weren't true, that doesn't mean they don't hurt. That the hate behind them didn't hurt. And you know what, if you can take someone talking to you like that and just shake it off, fucking good for you. You are one blessed motherfucker because you don't have to feel like this.

I am still upset. Hopefully I will feel better tomorrow but I am still just... I don't even know. I don't even know anymore. I'm crying even though I shouldn't be but I can't help it and damn it I wish I hadn't caught that bus. Then I wouldn't have been there and I wouldn't feel like crap now.

Yaaaaaay more coffee plz

My serigraphy prof was out sick today (his kid is really sick, and the prof has something of a cold) so I got to come home early. And it is BOOTY COLD UP IN MY HOUSE. Jeez. So I am making some coffee to warm up my hands and maybe the rest of me (though I doubt it...) and kinda just... sitting here. Slacking off.

Okay yeah I really should be doing my homework, I suppose. Then I could get the bulk of it out of the way so I can get to drawing or something productive like that. :p

But I have been watching evanescence music videos for the past few days (stfu I love Amy Lee) and damn it I don't know what it is about that band, but the music inspires me soooo much. The music and Amy's wardrobe. I love her crazy dresses. And her music videos are usually pretty awesome in my opinion, too. Like the one for Sweet Sacrifice:


Which I just freakin' LOVE for some reason. Maybe it's all the red. I don't know.

The music video for Good Enough is really pretty but... I guess it's just me, but I really don't understand it:


I... yeah I just don't get it lol.

Anyway... yeah. I'll update later when my fingers aren't so cold. :0

Oh noes

Yes, I changed the blog hahaha. Now it's kinda in-your-face with the background color... but I kinda like it. :D And the pic attached to this post.... is just a random "Evil Pan" pic I did last night, for shits and giggles. Hehehee.

So school starts on Monday... here's to a really, really long spring semester! w00! Yeah waking up at 5:30 is going to suck soooo bad... but hey, just one more year. One. More. Year. :0

I'm kind of in disbelief of the whole one-more-year thing. I mean, it doesn't feel like I've been at UT very long... and I'm still undecided as to what I want to do next. It's like, ah! I need more time! Jeez.

Anyway this semester I plan to draw more, even if it kills me. During class, on the bus (motion sickness here I come), right before bed... I'm going to do it, damn it. At least a sketch a day even if it's a dumb sketch.

Oh, I didn't talk about Christmas, did I? :0 I forgot which blog I wrote about it in. The girls joined us for the week before we all ran to the Valley for Tio's wedding. Man it was the awesomest week ever and I can't wait for the next time they come so we can go to gatti town and play video games and eat pizza and stuff. :D After Tio's wedding, we came back, like, right on Christmas Eve, and went to Mass and all that jazz. And Grandma came for Christmas! :3 I was so glad she came. I got an airbrush and compressor that I really really want to play with but I have to do it outside and it's too cold outside (my fingers get cold :[ ). I got other fun things too, like a Cap plushie from my sister and some glow in the dark jewelry from my brother and some other jewelry from my other sister and from mom and dad.... and Grandma bought me a heavy jacket. It's a biiiiig UT jacket and it's very warm and comfy and soft. :D

Aaaaand Boss gave me a nice Christmas bonus. :D Which was really good because it helped offset the cost of the 100 GB hard drive and the 1 gig of RAM I bought earlier in December to upgrade my computer. :D

And that's all. Mom's birthday is on Monday so I made her a pair of earrings... I went and bought real silver for them, too, so that she doesn't have to worry about having an allergic reaction or anything. So yeah.

Now if you'll excuse me, I'm going to play WoW for a while. Because during the school year I don't get to play very much and it's very sad. :(